Sunday, July 29, 2012

我要自己的房间

自己一直是一个问题人物,不只是给别人问题,也给了自己很多问题。(叹气…)
我是一个很喜欢自由的人,会要住在家以外的地方,是希望自己可以有自己的空间,过着没有人管理的空间里。
自从回到家里生活,我就把所有东西看成大家的东西,不再去整理,不再去理会。
住在大姐的房间里,很自然的就觉得这是大姐的房间,我就不用打理的感觉。

在大姐一离开和爸爸到Genting去玩,我就开始有些归属感,不如说霸占这空间吧。
我开始收拾自己的桌子,烫衣服,扫地等等。
这才是我想过的生活嘛………………

呵呵,这是我才发现自己也不会很肮脏嘛……哈哈!
可以有自己的房间,这该有多好。
听歌看戏都不用带耳机,不用跟别人share一张床。
像现在这样,把风扇吹着自己,把灯关掉,开着喜欢的歌,房间就只可以听见风扇和播着的歌,夜深人静的,真的很舒服。
可以有这样的环境,思绪也比较顺。

虽然还看不见将来的路要怎么走,但是我看见明天我要做些什么有意义的事情。
哈哈!那就是去洗牙!
很喜欢这样的夜,但是我还是要去睡觉了。
晚安!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

內在的國度

【朵朵小語】內在的國度

“就像白天與黑夜彼此跟隨一樣,你也有內外兩個相互依存的世界。

外在的世界總是充滿了各種無常與意外,因此內在的國度更需要處於恆定安穩的狀態。

完整的人生不是只有創造外在的世界,還要開拓內在的國度,讓自己的心靈力量強大,禁得起一切雨雪風霜。

也是因為看見了內在國度的無限遼闊,所以才懂得欣賞外在世界的海洋與天空。

親愛的,在內在的國度裡,你是獨行的旅人。向無盡的深處走去,是你一生的旅程。”


有时很好奇,你有多了解自己, 自己有多了解自己。
我们都花多少时间来explore自己内心想要的是什么?
觉得自自己从KL回来以后,由于内心的宁静,渐渐地也开始了解,何谓内心的世界。
以前很忙,没有时间去想,一遇见不好的事就控制不了,因为还没自治的能力,因为不了解自己,也不知道自己真正想要的是什么。

原本以为没什么了,但是去了Terengganu以后才发现,原来自己还是很喜欢。
虽然自己觉得,他应该不会喜欢自己,但是可以看见一个灯柱继续亮着, 自己也会觉得很安心。
也会很诚心的祝福,希望哪天他也可以看见自己的内心。

快要24岁了,偶尔还是会担心,会不会孤独终老呢?
但是如果还有梦想陪伴的话,孤独终老应该也不会很坏吧?
人生就是这样,一直在为自己喜欢的东西活着。
开心就好。

Monday, July 9, 2012

回来以后的寂寞

从登加楼回来了,开心归开心,但是伤心的事还是一直跟随自己,好像很难忘记。
很喜欢自己可以赶快回到工作岗位,至少人忙起来,应该会比较好吧。

从那里回来以后,耳机里播放着一直是同一首歌,就是The A Team from Ed Sheeran. 
是一首很伤心的歌,每次都听到我的眼泪快流出来了。
  
很傻不是吗?
去到那里,重新遇见一个曾经很喜欢的人。
很开心的,我们一起聊天之三更半夜,虽然讲的都是乐队的事。
一起我们分享同一盒Pocky,他还讲一些笑话,像没有秘密的好朋友。
自己有多爱睡都好,明天就要比赛也不理了。
我们就一直坐在路旁,讲着自己的事情。

真的很开心,却怎么都没有想到回来以后的寂寞。

Thursday, July 5, 2012

The night before going to Terengganu

Everytime before going outstation, I will sure suffer insomnia. Keep thinking of nonsense like "how if my dad doesn't let me go at the last minute? how if my hand hurts? how if my car spoils?" and the how if goes on. You know right? I used to be negative minded person.

So tomorrow will be the day me and Keat Hwa departing to Terengganu for band competition. I'm not sure how long will be the journey, but it seems so long, I know it will be a long journey. =] To make sure I will be comfortable with the band, I keep comforting myself by listening to the calming song, again, which is "The A Team" by Ed Sheeran. I'm not sure about the meaning of the lyrics, but the melody is simply calming.

Today was a tough day for me. Due to my wrist was hurt, my sister helped me to wash my clothes on these few days. One of my beloved yellow top was being tinted by other color, and I went like mad. Sigh. I know what over is over, but I couldn't take it when seeing my new cloth turned into garbage. Then my eldest sister saw it and comforted me by saying will buy me a new cloth. That's not what I actually wanted, I was just expressing my emotion that's all, not I want to get something from them.

After few hours only I felt better by going out with a friend. Sharing is always useful for reducing the stress and bad feelings. Sometimes life just needs you to be more patient, if you can't settle it, tell it to your best and trusted friend, there must be a way to lighten your burden. A good listener will give you a really good advice.
Besides that, he/she also will remind you about the real thing you should concentrate in, but not something unrelated such as a RM36 top. I know by RM36, you might can do a lot with it, but I'm sure there must be something more valuable than that.

After the so called sharing session with my buddy, I realized that I really need to improve my EQ to be a better person. I was so down just now just because of that tinted top, my mind kept telling myself "that is my favourite top! that is my favourite top!". Ok, I was non stop crying as well and blaming my sister. I'm crazy right? I get so stubborn when comes to my favourite thing. Like what kids usually do. Sitting on the floor, crying and want that favourite thing back. A 24-years-old kid just did that today.


I always hope myself can be good, not just a good friend but also a good daughter,good senior, good colleague... I always remind myself, that time is something very precious. When I go on leave because of band, some people might think, how come I do this. I would like to explain it here, I know I'm too old for band now, and I'm suffering very big generation gap with the juniors. But do you know band made me grow and it is still something very important to me. That's why I would rather spend my annual leaves with them rather than doing nothing.

I chatted with my colleague yesterday and I told him, actually I was impressed that they can work in the bank for so long time. Seriously, imagine 10+years in bank. The repeating days, months, and years. Indeed the life in bank is really boring, but you are controlling your own life, you have the responsibility to make it interesting, don't you? I told my friend, I don't know how long I can live, but I want to experience everything, and try my best to make every wish possible. So that I will not regret on the day I leave the world. Still that sentence, Live life to the Fullest.

I've decided to accept the truth that my top was being tinted, and it had tinted my day too. Tomorrow I will tint my day in another color, which is having a trip to Terengganu with the band. No matter what is the result later, will promise, must enjoy the trip to the Fullest.

What a sleepless night.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

时间-7月

时间,真的是很恐怖的。
尤其是对没有珍惜时间的人来说。

已经七月了,但是我的记忆却好像还停留在才进银行工作的时候, 其实在银行都快要五个月了。
对于七月你有什么看法呢?
我觉得有点紧张,因为几乎感觉到自己的生日又快要到了,年龄,*叹气*还是不说了啦。
我担心的一直都是关于时间不等人,我没能完成一些我要完成的事。

梦想,是一回事;梦想以外的事,也是很重要。
比如责任。 会一直回去乐队,其实是因为希望工作以外的时间,可以用在自己喜欢的东西上,那我就不会觉得白费了。
但是当看见时间这样就不见了,还是会很担心。

好吧,我知道我很烦。
我就写到这里吧,晚安!